Monthly archives of “February 2018

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Self-Care & Relief via Podcasts

Thank you, Kelly McElroyJessica SchombergKate DeibelCourt, and Cecily Walker for #LISMentalHealth week 2017. I missed last year’s events at a time when I probably could have really used them, and I feel so fortunate to be able to connect with other LIS workers about the daily continuing struggles of coping with mental illness, maintaining mental health, and seeking support. This post isn’t about my own mental health, as I don’t completely feel comfortable sharing all of that out in the open for reasons that lots of folks have already described on Twitter. But if you’ve read a few of my posts on this blog, you’ll know that I’ve dealt with my fair share of burnout, anxiety, insecurity, imposter syndrome, and life challenges. Everyone makes their own treatment choices, whether it’s therapy, medication, neither or both, and we all have different strategies for coping with particularly difficult days/weeks/months/years. I know that the term “self-care” has a tendency to be used to describe everything from a cup of tea to a mani/pedi to taking a mental health day from work. I don’t want to diminish the concept of “self-care” by divorcing it from its roots in political activism. I do want to say that as a woman, as a woman of color, as a WOC in a field heavy on emotional labor, self-care is important to me and many of my colleagues.

A big part of my own self-care toolkit is taking the time to listen to podcasts made by women, people of color, and queer folks (sometimes all three at once!). Hearing a familiar accent or cadence of speech, listening to experiences that resonate with me, and feeling validated in my own thoughts, fears, and hopes are all things that I get from podcasts. They lift my spirit but also make me smile, nod my head, and shake my fist in anger. Sometimes I laugh so hard I have to pull over if I’m listening while driving.

I know not everyone is a podcast fan. It might not be your thing. But if you are not listening to podcasts because they don’t seem relevant to you, or you’re just tired of NPR-voice (no shade, I love NPR), try browsing through the Podcasts in Color directory. Berry has done an amazing job curating a fantastic collection of black and POC podcasts, and even hosts her own podcast about POC podcasts. Everyone has their favorites, but here are a few that have a special place in my heart:

 

In no particular order, they are:

What podcasts help you get through the day?

black mug on desk with text that reads "we work"
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Humblebrags, Guilt, and Professional Insecurities

Thank you, @AcademicsSay for this oh-so-timely nugget of truth. I’ve never felt so seen or so read. I’ve been trying to measure the success of a sabbatical that’s more than half over in terms of the hours I’ve spent at my kitchen table reading, writing, analyzing, and typing. It’s been strange to not be rushing to meeting after class after class after meeting. I can’t say I’m sooooooo busy or things are soooooooo crazy right now in the same way my working colleagues can right now, and it’s been making me feel sooooooo guilty.

Where does that guilt come from? Why am I being so hard on myself for not spending more hours working when I have some decent sabbatical accomplishments already in the bag, my partner’s been through (and continues to go through) a major health crisis, and I have a young son? A lot of this self-imposed pressure is just, unfortunately, a part of my personality. I always want to do more, better, faster, GO! Over the past year I’ve learned that I’m more ambitious than I originally thought I could be.

But a large part of these professional insecurities come from a culture of academia that constantly forces us to ask ourselves: Am I doing enough? The answer to this question is almost always a resounding YES, and yet…AND YET, we can always point to someone who is doing more, better, faster, GO! Our emails to our colleagues always start with, “This week is CRAZY busy,” or “I have so much to do,” or “I have meeting after meeting; class after class.” I recognize that some of these statements might be genuine venting. People are tired and they sometimes need to share their woes. But when this is the constant tenor of conversation in academia, something is wrong.

We are, as @AcademicsSay so aptly stated, valorizing overwork. In our culture of tenure, continuing appointment, or promotion (whatever it may look like in your library), NOT being overworked and overwhelmed means you’re not working enough. I’m sure we’ve all been on the receiving end of shady comments from colleagues–“Wow, I wish I had time to have lunch! OMG your desk is so clean. Mine’s covered in papers to grade. When do you find time to work out? I have 2 papers to revise and resubmit.” And how do we respond? Do we say, “Regular meals and workouts are important to my mental and physical health?” Probably not. The response is more like, “Oh, that’s just today. Last week I was at work from 7am-7pm and reading well past midnight!” It’s almost as if self-care is an alien concept, and to engage in any measure of separation between work life and personal life means you aren’t “doing academia” correctly.

I love being an academic librarian. I love being faculty at a higher education institution. What I don’t love is the humblebrag olympics we engage in on a daily basis. I don’t love to poor modelling we are demonstrating to our students, who seem to think that working more is better than working efficiently. I don’t love the ways in which we uphold overwork to the point where we are setting up a culture that in turn exploits adjuncts, post-docs, and visiting professors who are told that if they “just stick with it” they’ll eventually earn the privilege of also being too stressed to function. I don’t love that we are told to wait until after tenure to start a family, focus on our health, and, well, have a life, as though before that we were some human-shaped dough only focused on promotion.

I’ve thought about work-life balance, work-life separation, and vocational bleed (no separation between work and life) a lot these past few months as I attempt to live through a sabbatical I can be proud to call my own. I am proud. I am proud that I signed a book contract. I am proud that I can finally chaturanga in yoga class without bending my knees. I am proud that I made a kick-ass dinner last night for my family. I’m proud I read a few chapters yesterday. I am proud that I put moisturizer on my face (with SPF!) this morning. I’m proud I’ll be presenting at LOEX. There is so much for all of us to be proud of on a daily basis.

There is also so much for us to examine. What kind of examples are we setting for our junior colleagues? In promoting our overwork as some kind of martyrdom are we contributing to their own overwork and ultimate burnout? Are we contributing to an academic culture that leaves folks ripe for exploitation? What are some changes we can make to the way we move through our day to create the work culture we want?